Chapter Seven
“This is a completely different world, isn’t it?” she comments.
Sonny nods.
“Yeah…”
“And some of these women have two and three children…” She shakes her head. “I don’t know how they do it…”
“If it’s, you know, somethin’ you want bad enough,” he begins, “…you make it work…”
“I guess…”
“Did you do it?” Sonny blurts out suddenly.
Alexis looks at him – somewhat puzzled.
“Did I do what?” she asks.
Then it dawns on her – what it is that he is really asking.
And why.
Alexis shakes her head and laughs to herself.
“Of course,” she says. “Kristina…”
She looks down at her pocketbook, across to the playground in front of her, at the trees off to the side – everywhere other than the direction that Sonny’s in. Even from where she’s sitting, his anxiety is almost palpable. She can almost feel the energy coming from him -- the intense and penetrating look radiating from his brown eyes.
Finally she takes a deep breath.
“No,” she answers quietly. She looks at him and their eyes connect. “No, I didn’t do it…”
Sonny exhales, visibly relieved.
She didn’t do it, he reassures himself. She didn’t destroy our child…
“I couldn’t,” she continues. She shrugs. “I’m not sure why not…”
“Maybe…maybe because it wasn’t really…what you wanted to do…”
“Maybe…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, when I didn’t think that I would go through with the pregnancy, there wasn’t much point, was there?”
“But it was my right to know, Alexis,” he quietly insists. “This is my child, too…”
“I know, I know…” she mutters. “I apologize...”
“Forget it,” Sonny dismisses. “That’s over with…Now what we’ve gotta do is to get you home and…”
“Wait a minute,” Alexis interrupts. “Don’t do that. Don’t start taking control. Don’t make me sorry that Kristina told you…”
“Alexis,” Sonny begins, “you’ve been workin’ late and running around town to court dates and…whatever. You need to get some rest – for you and the baby…”
“Let’s understand each other,” Alexis says. “I am not your wife. I’m not even your attorney. In fact, I am not employed by you in any capacity whatsoever.”
“So?”
“So that gives me the right to do whatever I please, whenever I please – all without your permission or approval. And, for the record, I don’t need you rushing back into my life, trying to manage things, just because I happen to be pregnant!”
Alexis shoots to her feet; Sonny quickly stands in front of her.
“Hold on!” he says. “Now, I just wanna, you know…make sure that you and the baby are okay.”
“Something that I can do for myself...”
“Alexis…”
“I mean it, Sonny,” she says. “You told me before – what was happening with us was too much for you to handle. Remember? Well, I got it, okay? I’m not asking you for anything…”
“That’s not the point,” Sonny says. “Besides…I had reasons for…what I said…”
“And you made them pretty clear,” Alexis continues.
“But I’m this baby’s father,” he insists. “That makes me responsible…”
“Other women have given birth to babies and taken care of them and raised them alone. I have a good mind and I can pick up things very quickly. I can do this on my own…”
“I’m not tryin’ to take over your life and I’m not tryin’ to manage things, okay? I just…” He stumbles over his words for a moment. He takes a deep breath and exhales, trying to reign himself in -- trying not to be as overbearing as he knows he can sometimes be, trying to figure out how exactly to put words to what it is that is in his heart. “Please don’t shut me out of my child’s life…”
Alexis looks into his eyes once more and, this time, she sees the softness and vulnerability in them.
And her heart melts.
“I would never do that,” she relents. “You’re this baby’s father. Of course you’ll have a role to play in its life…”
Sonny looks away – avoiding her eyes, not wanting her to see the beginnings of tears in his.
“I mean…I know that I can be, you know…a little hard to take sometimes…”
“That’s an understatement…”
“But nobody on this earth…is gonna love this baby…more than I do…”
“I know that…” Alexis says. “But I’m not some charity case, Sonny. I am a capable grown woman -- not some helpless, simpering idiot..."
"I never said you were..."
"No. What you said was that it was over between us – that you couldn’t handle it anymore…and I accepted that. Now my being pregnant…does not mean that you are obligated to take care of me. Your only obligation is to this child.”
“And that child is inside of you, Alexis. I know what I said that night…and I know how much it must have hurt you…But this baby makes everything different. We can make this work…”
Alexis shakes her head no.
“Not on your life…”
Sonny rolls his eyes and throws up his hands.
“What did I say now?”
“If you think that I am so pitifully desperate that I will even consider being part of a relationship simply because I’m pregnant…then you don’t know me very well.”
“That’s not what I meant…”
“I’m going home,” she announces and starts down the path to where her car is parked.
“Alexis, wait…”
“I’m afraid not,” she says as she continues to walk away.
“Alexis!” Sonny calls as he follows her down the path.
When she reaches her car, she takes the keys out of her pocketbook and begins to unlock the door.
“Wait a minute!” Sonny yells. He grabs hold of her arm and swings her around to face him. “Now, you know…you tell me what you want me to say…and I’ll say it – whatever you want. You just, you know…you just tell me.”
“I don’t want you to say anything, Sonny.”
“Then tell me what you do want.”
She shrugs.
“And I don’t know what I want. Look…it’s been a very long day for me already…and I’m tired. I just want to go home.”
“Then let me take you home.”
“You’re doing it again…I can take myself home. I…I need to be alone right now. I have a lot of things to figure out…Can you just…leave me alone to do that?”
Sonny can see the frustration and confusion in her eyes.
He takes a step backward.
“If that’s what you want…”
“That’s what I want,” Alexis says.
She turns, unlocks the car door, and opens it. She slides into the driver’s seat and closes the door.
Without looking at Sonny, she turns the key in the ignition.
Sonny watches helplessly as her car slowly pulls away from the curb.
___________________________________________________________________
A weary Alexis opens the door to her apartment and closes it behind her. Kristina sees her come in and rushes over to her.
“Alexis,” she begins, “I am so glad to see you. Are you alright?”
“I’m alright,” she answers as she puts her pocketbook into the chair.
“You didn’t…”
“No Kristina,” Alexis says. “I didn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to go through with it. See? No need for you to worry anymore.”
“Well, I was worried, Alexis. I knew that the last thing on earth that you wanted was to have an abortion.”
“Well, that’s funny,” Alexis says. “How is it that you knew that before I did?”
“Because I knew that much of what you were feeling about this baby was grief over what happened with you and Sonny…You didn’t…run into him…did you?”
“No, I didn’t run into him. He caught up with me at the park – after you sent him.”
“I’m sorry,” Kristina begins, “but I couldn’t let you do…what you were planning to do. I had to think of some way to stop you and…Sonny seemed like the right way to do that.”
Alexis shrugs, walks to the sofa, and flops down.
“That doesn’t matter anyway,” she says. “Right now, the only thing that does matter is that I have to figure out how I’m going to do this.”
“You’ll do it the same way you do everything, Alexis – beautifully. I told you before. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”
“I hope you’re right, Kristina,” Alexis says.
"Well," Kristina begins as she makes her way over to the sofa and sits beside Alexis, "what did Sonny say when you saw him?"
"Sonny? Sonny's another problem," Alexis says. "He seems to think that now -- because I'm pregnant -- everything between us will just magically work out..."
"So he wants you to get back together?"
"We can work it all out he says…”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“I am not about to put myself or this baby in the position of being tossed aside when things become difficult -- not again."
"But that doesn't sound like Sonny. You told me yourself how connected to Carly he has always been -- no matter how difficult things got between them. And Lord knows he still defends her to anyone who dares to criticize her."
"Well that may be true for Carly but as far as our relationship is concerned, he told me in very clear terms that it was getting to be too much for him and that he needed a breather – some space…"
"Well maybe now that you're pregnant, he knows for certain what it is that he wants."
"Kristina," Alexis begins, "I don't have time to figure out what Sonny wants or what it is that he doesn't want. My job now is to figure out how to fit this baby into my life."
Kristina shrugs.
"You just will, Alexis. You'll take good care of yourself -- for a change -- and you'll think pleasant thoughts and this baby will be born healthy and vibrant and be absolutely adorable…And everything will work out just fine. You'll see."
Alexis smiles an uncertain smile.
“Well, I hope that you’re right.”
“I am,” Kristina says cheerfully. “Oh and…I found out something while I was with Sonny earlier. Apparently he’s got someone…following you…”
Alexis shoots to her feet.
“What?” she asks, the fire in her eyes clearly visible.
Kristina looks up at her – regretting having ever mentioned it.
“He has someone…following you…When I asked him to find you, the first thing that he did was to pick up the telephone and ask where the guy was…”
“Oh,” Alexis begins as she walks to the door, “that is simply unacceptable!”
Kristina watches as Alexis swings open the door and marches out.
She sits on the sofa – shaking her head.
“Kristina, Kristina, Kristina,” she whispers. “When are you going to learn to keep your big mouth shut…”
Outside in the hall, Alexis storms past Johnny and to Sonny’s door.
“I have to talk to him,” she says.
Before Johnny can say another word, Alexis turns the doorknob and throws open the door, finding a mildly startled Sonny standing at the terrace doors.
“You have someone following me?” Alexis demands.
Sonny doesn’t answer at first, studying Alexis and realizing how worked up she is.
Then he decides that he might just as well get it over with now.
“Yeah.”
“How dare you!”
“Alexis,” he begins calmly, “I put a guard on you because I wanted to keep you safe.”
“I don’t need a bodyguard,” she states. “I can…”
“You can take care of yourself?” he interrupts. “That’s what you were about to say, wasn’t it? Just like with Roscoe?”
“Well, now that you’ve brought it up, you had a guard on me that day, too, didn’t you? And look at everything that happened.”
“You’re right,” Sonny concedes. “I had a guard on you and Roscoe got him out of the way and he was able to get to you. Renaldo was the wrong man for that job. I admit that…”
“Don’t blame Renaldo.”
“I don’t blame Renaldo,” Sonny says. “He was just in over his head where somebody like Roscoe was concerned and that was my fault more than his. I should have taken better precautions…I don’t want you to get hurt again, Alexis…”
“I’ll take my chances,” she says. “I do not want one of your bodyguards following me.”
Sonny shrugs.
“Okay.”
“Fine!” Alexis turns to leave and then abruptly turns back around. “Is this one of those instances that you told me about? You know -- when you just nod your head and agree with the full intention of doing whatever you were going to do anyway?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Sonny…”
“Alexis, I won’t have you hurt – period! Now let that be the end of it!”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” she protests. “What is going on with you? I mean you push me away with one hand and then you hold me close with the other. Why?”
Sonny looks away and doesn’t answer.
“So you intend to just stand there and not answer me?”
Still there is no response.
“Fine!” Alexis shouts. “Or maybe I should use your favorite word -- ‘whatever’!”
She turns to leave.
“I found out who was behind Roscoe…”
Alexis’ blood runs cold at the sound of that name.
She turns around and looks at Sonny.
“His name is Phil Lundine,” Sonny continues. “He was Joe Scully’s best friend and sometime partner…Anyway, he never got past the fact that I, you know…I had to shoot Joe to keep him from killin’ Mike. He’s come at me with little things here and there over the past few years but…well, it got big when he hooked up with that psychopath Roscoe…You got caught in the crossfire, Alexis. I cannot let that happen again. I won’t!”
“I see. Well,” she continues, “…I don’t know exactly when I’ve ever felt so genuinely touched and so incredibly angry at the very same time…”
“Okay, here we go…”
“How dare you take my decision about what I want to do with my life out of my hands! You know, this may surprise you Sonny, but I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. In fact, I actually managed to do it for many years before I ever even met you…”
“What are you talking about?"
“Had you respected me enough to tell me the truth, it just might have turned out that I didn’t care about Roscoe or Phil Lundine or anything else…Maybe I cared enough about you to have stood by you…”
“This isn't even about me not respecting you or me not allowing you to make your own decisions! I put that guard on you as soon as I found out that Lundine was behind everything that happened because I wanted to keep you safe -- end of story! Lundine’s not stupid but he doesn’t know when to stop. I didn’t want you hurt again but that was before I found out about…about this baby. Now I need to keep you both as close as I can…I won’t take chances with the two of you, Alexis. You can yell and scream as much as you want but you know...I'm gonna do what I have to do!”
Alexis inhales deeply and exhales very slowly, trying to calm the situation a bit.
“Look,” she begins, “I’m…exhausted. It’s obvious to me that we are not going to agree about this…”
“Damn right we won’t…”
“And I really don’t know what to make of any of it so…I’ll just take a step backward…and go home -- maybe take a long, hot bath…and relax…”
“Good,” Sonny says. “You should relax. You’ve had a busy day...”
“I'm so happy that you approve,” she says. “I’ll…talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” Alexis stares across the room at Sonny for a moment. “There is…one thing…”
He takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes.
“What now?”
Sonny watches as Alexis walks toward him, complete with her customary precise and purposeful strides.
She stands in front of him; she looks into his eyes.
From this close, he can make out her scent – that familiar fragrance that he has been missing ever since that night. She leans close and warmly kisses his cheek, catching him off guard, making him remember what it felt like to be so close to her – to hold her in his arms, to feel her warm body next to his.
He begins to miss her all over again.
And then he realizes that he never stopped missing her.
We can make this work, Alexis, his mind insists. I know we can. There’s a way…and I’m gonna find it…
Their eyes connect briefly, the emotion beginning to peek through.
Alexis turns away quickly and walks to the front door, feeling Sonny's eyes on her.
“Goodnight,” she says.
She opens the door.
“Alexis?” Sonny calls.
Alexis stops.
“Yes?”
“Francis should be on duty in a couple of hours,” Sonny says. “He’ll uh…be outside your door for the rest of the night.”
She spins around and stares at him as her mouth drops open but no words come out.
I cannot believe the nerve of this man, her mind tells her.
“I did it behind your back last time,” Sonny quickly explains. “This time I’m just, you know…I’m tellin’ you to your face…”
"Didn't we just..." She leaves the sentence unfinished, shaking her head in a kind of mild disbelief.
Stop fightin' so hard, Alexis, he wants to say to her. Just let me keep you and the baby safe...
“Thank you,” she relents, knowing that she has no other choice.
“You’re welcome.
Still shaking her head, she turns around and opens the door.
“Goodnight, Sonny,” she says.
He laughs to himself, relieved that the subject is finally closed.
For now…
“Goodnight,” he says.